Fighting The Drag-Down Effect 1
I am not sure whether there is such a word like ‘drag-down’, especially since English is not my native language. But, I am well-known for little linguistic experiments. In this post I want to take some time to write about a phenomenon, which I simply want to call ‘the drag-down effect’, which refers to the attempts of other people dragging you down to your place in society, which you are so eagerly wanting to break out from.
I come from a family, in which personal finance has never been a priority. You want something more expensive? Then take a loan and use your salary to pay the loan. Want to prosper financially? Get a good job at a top-tier employer and make a career. Want to invest something? Then take some mutual funds, managed by a specialist at your bank.
I do not want to say that this type of lifestyle is bad, but it is not what I am choosing for. I take much pleasure in investing in stocks and options, I feel much more free knowing that I have no large debts, which I will have to keep paying even my financial situation for some reason deteriorates. And I feel fulfilled knowing that I am getting the most out of my money I can, during the situation I am currently at.
Still, I find many people in my environment, my family, my friends, trying to drag me back down into the situation I am just so eagerly trying to escape. When I told my family that I am into stocks and options, I hear at least 10 reasons why they are so risky and I’ll be broke within a year. When I tell my friends that I am saving up to buy a car when winter comes, they try to convince me with all their power why a loan is so much beneficial, and I can truly buy the car I want. And when I tell my neighbors that I spend some hours during the weekend analyzing stocks and companies, they find enough reasons why it is a waste of time.
I tried to find more information on this topic, and came up with two major topic focuses where this phenomenon seems to be well-known.
Becoming the alpha male of the group
Flirting and seduction has grown to a major industry during the past decades. In fact, the main goal is to turn a shy man, or boay, into a true and self-confident man, i.e. an alpha male. These websites, books, and videos discuss how true men behave, how they talk, how they walk, and what their place within a group is.
Knowing the the drag-down effect is considered as being very important among those who want to become the alpha male, since a sudden change of behavior within the group might result in a different social status within the group; and this might simply not be accepted by the group. Each group has its own dynamics, and each person has his place within the group. Therefore, the group members will try to drag down a person who is trying to change his social status within the group, back to the place at which the group believes this person belongs.
Back to personal finance, when you are starting to do things different than your most important peer groups, they will notice and may want to drag you back down to where you came from. This is usually done at a very psychological level, through comments, or destructive advices.
Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you will become
Another well-known phenomenon is that many people tend to become more and more like their peer groups. As such, many motivational books deal with this topic and warn the reader that they should carefully select their friends, or at least take notice of how intensive their contact with their different friends is. As such, if you have friends who are energetic, positive thinking, good in personal finance and building wealth in general, you could take an example from that, as well as the motivation to keep going and reach that same level as your friends. But it also works the other way around; spending too much time with people who have brought it to nothing, or who are depressed, might infect you as well, and drag you down to their standards of living, and way of thinking.
So, what can I do?
I find it extremely important to be aware of the fact, that people might want to drag you down to the place where you came from. In fact, sometimes I whiteness how much joy some people feel, when others are doing bad. Now, I do not want to set ‘criteria’ for my friends, or for selecting people who I allow myself to become befriended with. However, I do notice a few things when I speak with someome:
- Is the person a positive thinker or a negative thinker? I prefer positive thinkers, as they motivate me. I do have some negative thinking friends in my social circle, and I meet up with them every now and then. But I keep the contact to a minimum.
- Is their feedback constructive or destructive? If I tell these people something out of my life, perhaps something I am trying out, what is the feedback like? Will this person try to hold me back via destructive feedback, or will his words motivate me to carry on?
- When a person is giving me feedback on something, is he a specialist in the field, or is he pretending to be specialist? This gives me some grip on how much I would value his feedback, and perhaps act upon it… or not.
- When I tell a person some of my achievements, is he genuinely happy for me and congratulating me, or is he jealous and trying to find reasons why the achievement wasn’t a true achievement?
- Is a person genuinely interested in ME, or is he interested in what I could do for him? I live in a bigger city where banks dominate the skyline, and it is astonishing how many people focus on topics such as assets, jobs, salaries and networking, in stead of real personal topics, aiming at getting to know each other as two equally worthy people.
In My 24 Commitments, I already wrote an article about The Right Social Circle, recognizing the fact that a person is largely influenced by his peer groups. But how do we get to that? I can say that with 33 years of life experience, few friendships have grown to be genuinely and truly genuine. I consider getting to know people, networking, and gaining friends, as an important part of life. However, just as important as networking is in general, it is as important to know how to network, and where to put the focus on.
Possibly Related Posts:
- Why Cheap Stuff Comes At A Very High Price
- Why Shyness And Social Anxiety Can Be Your Worst Enemy
- Spontaneity vs. Keeping An Agenda
- The Nonsense Of Discrimination
- What Did YOU Do To Make A Difference Today?
