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Why Shyness And Social Anxiety Can Be Your Worst Enemy 1

Posted on June 21, 2011 by admin

I think, that sometimes being modest and cautious can be a good thing; it has for sure helped me to avoid wrong decisions. Also, social anxiety is a physical protection mechanism, which in some times has its use. However, many people out there are so shy and anxious, that they are simply not able to lead the life they really want. And getting rid of it can be difficult, very difficult.

Shyness and anxiety is not something you choose for. It simply is there. How we behave is usually an expression of how we see the world, and this again is often the result of all the experiences we made in the past, both good and bad. The human mind tends to create a world image according to these experiences, and creates expectations as a result.

Shyness and anxiety is present in many variations. Some people are shy only in particular situations. Some people are anxious only up to a particular point, and can push them through the barrier, whereas others may become paralyzed completely by their shyness and social anxiety. The result is, that those people are unable to connect with other people easily, they become paralyzed, and basically close themselves up to others. As a result, other people may perceive them as extremely formal and closed up, or even arrogant and unpleasant to be with. Read the rest of this entry →

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When politeness becomes counterproductive 0

Posted on May 26, 2011 by admin

People who behave impolite and somewhat rude have a higher potential of being perceived as more powerful and in general more successful than others, according to Medical News Today. Generally, people who in fact are powerful behave that way. They tend to smile less, act more rude, interrupt others. The full article is available here.

There are many similar researches, demonstrating that people who look or behave in certain ways are categorized by their surroundings immediately, and hence perceived as someone within that category, be it smart, dumb, confident, or shy. As a result, the main question is how we can apply this to our own financial situation, and perhaps to our own benefit.

We can’t change all traits; some of us are small overweight, perhaps as a result of our genes. Still, there are many things we can do in order to be perceived as smart, intelligent, confident, and attractive, and therewith get better service when we shop, get the better jobs, or receive a better pay. Below are 5 things you can to.

Dress smart

Buying clothes of well-known brands can be quite expensive. Still, the little logo of a well-known brand instantly signals success. Although so small, quality clothing shows, and usually only those who earn well can afford high quality brands. Additionally, the style of dressing shows to which social class you belong. Men in suits, for example, tend to receive much better service at upper class shops than a man in jeans and t-shirt.

Your wardrobe does not need to consist of the most expensive clothing of the highest quality. However, it is still good to purchase at least one or two outfits, for special occasions, for example for an interview. If you work in the office and if you are pursuing a career, it might pay out to have something of high quality to wear for each day during the week. High quality clothing might cost a bit, but it ensures that you get noticed better, and it wears off less quick than cheap clothing.

Be at ease

Being at ease simply means moving in a slow and controlled manner. Important and successful people do not need to rush. In stead, others are rushing for them. Turn down the accelerator a notch, and move slowly, don’t rush. The same applies while seated; either lean to the front slightly, or lean back comfortably, without exaggerating. Don’t fiddle with things, just be eat ease and have a discussion.

Never be interrupted

Important people (or people who think they are important) tend to interrupt others. At the same time, they will not tolerate to be interrupted themselves. Should you be interrupted, it is perfectly okay to tell the other person that you have not finished your scentence; this is one thing that should be respected. If the other person keeps talking, it is up to you to decide to either let him/her talk, to interrupt, or to end the conversation and leave. The latter makes a very clear statement, but it could provoke a conflict. Therefore, be careful with whom you do it, and when.

Smile less

Smiling and laughing amongh friends and in a relationship is beautiful and joyful. However, smiling does not always have a positive effect. People who smile too much tend to signal insecurity and subordination, especially when the smiling is an attempt to be liked by others. Therefore, if there is no need to laugh or smile, it might be a good idea to control your smile, and remain serious more often.

Say ‘no’

Saying ‘no’ can take some courage, and many people have difficulties with it, but saying ‘no’ from time to time is a absolutely essential in order to get things done. Especially when something is not in your interest or benefit, saying ‘no’ might provide just the right signal at the right time, to signal strength and confidence. Again, saying ‘no’ at the wrong time or situation may backfire, therefore it is always essential to overthink the possbile consequences in advance.

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The Perfect Job Interview: 10 Do’s and Don’ts to Remember 2

Posted on November 23, 2009 by admin

Dearest readers, I presume that at least on a few occasions in your life you will be confronted with the job interview… at least I hope so. Your first one even might be already during high school or university, but as soon as you receive that valuable piece of paper, life is getting pretty serious; and hopefully it will not be the only job interview you will have in your life.

Some people might be naturally successful during a job interview; they understand the dynamics, the most important do’s and don’t, while some others simply don’t get to the point of getting the contract. I am not promising a bullet proof method for getting that contract, but there are a few simple things to remember before, during, and after the job interview, which may dramatically increase your chances. Below are 10 suggestions to give you on your way, but of course, if you feel that any important do or don’t was omitted from this article, I am very much looking forward to your comments.

#1: Do dress to sell

You are a salesperson, you are selling all of your knowledge and a specific amount of time to a corporation. In a sense, you are a company yourself. Therefore, dress like a business person. I feel each and every man or woman should have at least one very official business outfit readily available. Even if you know, that the company has a very informal style, it does not mean you can show up in jeans during the interview. Make sure your hair is neatly cut, groom well, smell well, and simply be the person for the job.

#2: Do not assume everything will go with the flow

Prepare well for the interview. Each company and business culture has its own set of rules, but there are a few things which reoccur over and over again. These include questions such as “tell me something about yourself”, or “where do you see yourself in 5 years time?”. Buy a book on job interviews, and study the most common questions, prepare the answer well, so that you instantly know how to answer a question when it is asked.

#3: Do your homework on the company well

One of the most embarrassing situations you might get into is to ask a question, which is obvious or which you should have known. Therefore, always research the company before the interview. Where does the company have offices?Which are their business units? How many employees do they have? How much turnover did they have last year? What is the current price of their stock?

#4: Do not fidget

Everyone is nervous during the job interview, but it is also expected that one can control his/her nervousness up to some degree. Therefore, try not to fidget with things like a pencil, or your hands. Be cool.

#5: Do show confidence

Being confident is very powerful. It means walking up straight, with the shoulders relaxed and slightly pushed backwards. When seated, lean in and show interest in the topic, look your counterpart(s) in the eyes frequently, but without creeping them out. Always have a block note and a pen readily available to take notes if necessary.

#6: Do not lie

Selling yourself means putting yourself in the spotlight in the best possible way, but without lying. For example, if you are taking a Chinese course since a month or two, you may tell your counterpart that you speak Chinese, and that you have the potential to be put on China-relevant projects in future and grow to a more prominent position within the company. However, telling your counterpart that you speak Chinese fluently would be merely lying. Any lie will most probably be revealed sooner or later, and the result is usually immediate termination of the contract.

#7: Do engage in small talk

Small talk is a powerful tool to get to know your counterpart a bit better on a more social level. Moreover it is a powerful instrument to build a more personal connection. Give your counterpart the opportunity to start the small talk, and engage in it actively. You may also ask your counterpart a few questions. However, be careful not to become too personal. Typical small talk topics to start with are the weather or whether you had a good trip. Avoid any topics which involves strong personal opinions, such as politics, religion or sexuality.

#8: Do not talk more than you have to

Nervousness often causes a person to say more than is necessary. Some employers may use this against you by simply remaining unresponsive after you have finished answering. It is not uncommon, that the silence is so discomforting to the applicant, that the applicant starts elaborating his answer even further, and therewith sharing information which he never intended to share. The best way to cope with this is simply to keep your mouth shut, and keep the silence. After half a minute or so, you may ask something like “do you have any more questions?”.

#9: Do have one or two questions available for the end of the interview

As a future employee, you really want to demonstrate that the position and company interests you. Therefore, you will want to ask a few questions. Personally, one standard question I use is “why do you enjoy working for company xyz?”. This will give me some personal information how my counterpart sees the company, and it is information which is not likely to be found somewhere publicly.  Best is to write your questions down on your note block, that you should have with you, and put it on the table during the interview. The benefit of doing this is, that even if your questions are automatically answered during the interview, you can still show that you have given a thought about it. You can even state that you had for example written three questions down, which have been answered already. Again, referring back to #3, do not ask questions that you should already have known.

#10: Do not expect everything to go automatically

Once the job interview is over, thank you counterpart, and make an arrangement of when you will hear a result, or at least further information. The company should generally stick to that. If not, give them perhaps two more days time, and then call the person you had the interview with to inquire about it. Some companies might even use this as a test, in order to see how bad you want the job and how persistent you are. Always remain active, not passive.

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